Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
