I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
