So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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