My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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