exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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