i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
