I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
