you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize