So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
