Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
