I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
