I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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