I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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