I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
