dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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