I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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