Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
