They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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