You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
