...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Found the puke drawer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
