I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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