is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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