my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
