update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
