You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize