omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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