Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
