He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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