you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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