Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize