That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
