Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
