She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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