When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
