I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize