is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
