I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
