i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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