I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
