Me. At least after what I've been through.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
