so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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