Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
