I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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