Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
