Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
