I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
