like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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