I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
