You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
