so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
