did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
