phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
