I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
