Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
