There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
