I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
