it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
