I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
