Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize