Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
