Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm at about main and main street
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
