But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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