I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
